COLBERT WILL NOT BEAR ARMS

Presidential candidate Stephen Colbert the alpaca speaks out "I'm against arms, often, but I have no bare arms nor was I given a right to bear arms. My fate was destined to be the world's most famous alpaca, and I have four legs and some hoofs, but absolutely no arms. The only arms I've seen bears have were ripped from hunters and hikers they caught, the bears chewed on them. Speaking of chewing some fat, I refuse to write for ANY television shows. I'm with the writers' union because my hoofs won't hold pens and make it difficult for me to type. However, I will speak,"